ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
