My friends, they love my intelligence
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
