So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize