Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
