If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize