Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
