I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
