we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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