everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
