yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she woke up with a sticky ear
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
