i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
