This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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