i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
