Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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