I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
