you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
