Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
