remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
