i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i think my cat just said my name.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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