Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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