is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
