I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
