I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
