I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
