I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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