im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
