hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
