Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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