I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
