Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
