she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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