she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
