i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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