How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
