textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
