Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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