We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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