sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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