Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
