Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
