They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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