I think I am morally bankrupt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
