did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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