come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
