you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
