I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
