He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
