It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
