dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
