i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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