My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
