her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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