Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Holy shit dude........stairs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
