M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am one with the molecules
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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