Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
