do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
