Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no you cant smoke seaweed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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