THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
