OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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