rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
