so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's Friday. Sex?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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