I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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