i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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