Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
