So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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