You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
