If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
