Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
