i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
