How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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