Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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